Anonymous Poster Warns Flu Is Really Dimensional Dining; Advises Swallowing Air

4CHAN /X/ — An anonymous poster on 4chan's /x/ board published a warning this week claiming that a spreading illness is not an infection at all. According to the post, a virus is mutating inside the body to produce phlegm and flu-like symptoms, but the true cause is "something much much different."

The author asserts that the disease kills through its symptoms and, in those who do not drink alcohol, "consumes" the victim. It is also said to steal the food and drink a person takes in. The post further claims that the dead do not decay in their graves but are eaten, and that the living can avoid being pulled into "dining rooms in the other dimensions" by swallowing air.

Further precautions listed include drinking Listerine Cool Mint mouthwash and using a Van De Graaff generator. The writer adds that leaving a Tesla plasma globe online for a year may spread tachyon radiation and cause hallucination of a voice that is the listener's own. "They are pretending to be you," the post concludes.

Among the 40 replies, several posters elaborated. One said the flu symptoms were really a person being eaten in a dark-energy dimension. Another recommended bathing in industrial cleaners so as not to taste good to the creatures. A third described a swarm harvester inserting a tube into the throat. Others wandered toward vaccines, nuclear treaty deadlines and a flat Earth.

Skeptics were present in good number. One reply called the thread vagueposting with no proof, another suspected an AI-assisted creative writing project, and a third lamented that the board had declined. One reader offered that they had been feeling a little phlegmy lately. No medical authority has weighed in, and readers are reminded that mouthwash is not a treatment for influenza.